The Great Return (first of many)

In this candid self-reflection, Brody shares his recent experiences balancing major life events with professional challenges. He discusses implementing a "maintain calm" philosophy across both personal and work life, offering insights into how this approach has transformed his decision-making process and leadership style. Brody explores the challenges and benefits of this shift, from wedding planning to product management, and provides a compelling example of applying this method in a difficult workplace interaction. Throughout the interview, he touches on themes of work-life integration, evolving leadership styles, and maintaining mental health in high-pressure situations, offering valuable perspectives for professionals navigating complex personal and career landscapes.

Interviewer: Long time no talk! I was getting worried you forgot about me.

Brody:  Yeah, well… I didn’t - it’s just been a crazy two months and honestly writing this each week took a lower priority than most things! Good to see you again though, and I’m excited to get back to it.

Interviewer:  I’m glad you’re not dead. Ready to dive in? - Brody, looking back at the last two months, what have been your primary focuses, both professionally and personally?

Brody:  The last two months I've been balancing quite a few things like my infant starting to crawl and getting into everything, and having Rachel and I's wedding this past weekend! There were so many things to plan, loose ends to tie up, and all while working on an important project at work that required me to learn some new skills.

Interviewer: That's quite a whirlwind of personal and professional milestones. Congratulations on your wedding! How did you manage to balance the demands of wedding planning, your growing family, and a challenging work project? Were there any particular strategies or insights you gained about juggling multiple significant life events simultaneously?

Brody: As in anything that a Product Manager does - it's really about prioritization and accepting that not everything can be done at the same time (no matter how hard you try). This is such an obvious statement, but achieving it takes a lot of practice and self-awareness.

During this very busy time, I did a quick time study to understand how I was spending my time during the work day to see what I could let go of or delegate. That proved helpful in truly understanding my bandwidth, and seeing where I needed to focus more energy - even with less time. Following the time study, I looked at my non-negotiables, such as exercising, spending at least 3 hours with my son, and prioritizing a 50 minute "family-walk" with my wife, son, and dog each night.

I think the biggest takeaway from prioritization and time studies is how clearly you can see the small wins. For instance, I know there are a few things I need throughout the day. I need to get outside, I need to move my body, I need time to bond and communicate with my family, and I need to see other people outside of a screen (even if I don’t know or talk to them). This is actually how the Family-Walk came about, because I knew I didn’t have time in the day to do ALL of those things separately, but prioritizing a longer session that combines each point allows me to do a lot more of what I need.

Interviewer: Your method of conducting a time study and identifying non-negotiables is fascinating. It's a great example of applying product management skills to personal life. Could you elaborate on how this process affected your decision-making, both at work and in your personal life? Were there any surprising insights or difficult trade-offs you had to make?

Brody: Hm. Let me think about that - (some time passes) - my decision making process was one built on the goal of "maintaining calm". This isn't something that I've ever tried before... having an overarching goal to the combined priorities of life and work.

Organizing a wedding can be stressful for a couple, and throw the fact we have a 10 month old into that mix - the planning process could have pushed us into a state of constant anxiety. Then, trying to compartmentalize between personal and work (rarely happens that way) leads to greater stress because there is often guilt that occurs when you place greater emphasis on one over the other. So I went into these last two months with the primary goal to "maintain calm".

This really started to show-up in the final weeks of the wedding when you start to sweat all the small stuff. By having the goal of maintaining calm, Rachel and I were able to easily prioritize towards that objective rather than the traditional "everything has to be perfect and finished". We never had to sacrifice anything we truly wanted throughout the process - but we successfully maintained calm and adjusted scope as necessary.

Interviewer: Your idea of having a unified goal of 'maintaining calm' across all aspects of life is intriguing. It seems to have served as a north star for your decision-making process. How do you think this approach has influenced your perspective on work-life integration, rather than the often-discussed work-life balance? And how might this 'maintain calm' philosophy translate into your approach to product management or leadership in high-pressure work situations?

Brody: This is an awesome segway into how this thought process has seemed to translate into my work as well. - Throughout this journey and reflection, I found myself realizing the "emotion/passion" that I had early in my career is no longer serving me. As a perceived leader ensuring a state of calm under stressful or even annoying situations is something that allows for better outcomes in the long run.

Over the last two months I've tried implementing this same "maintain calm" methodology in my career. Here are some of my reflections: It's really uncomfortable for me - for so long I've used a passion/emotion approach to leadership. While this is authentically who I am, I realize it's not always warranted or helpful in certain situations. Finding the balance of calm vs. passion is something I'm still working on. When I find myself practicing the "maintain calm" approach, I often feel like I'm not doing enough, or feel a sense of guilt that I'm not putting enough emotion into my job (which is not true, but it's a different emotion... a smarter approach) In the interest of "maintaining calm" I feel less involved. This may be my perception, but part of what I'm working on is not trying to be in every conversation at all times. The benefit of this is that it's allowed me to step back and look at everything as a whole instead of trying to manage all the tentacles of our strategy. I feel I am getting the same amount of work done, at a higher quality, in less time by taking this approach. * My team has not seemed to feel like I am absent or withdrawn (although that was my biggest fear in trying out this approach)

Interviewer: It's fascinating to see how your personal philosophy has influenced your professional approach. You've highlighted some significant changes and challenges in adopting this 'maintain calm' methodology at work. Could you elaborate on a specific situation where this new approach led to a noticeably different outcome compared to your previous 'passion/emotion' style? Also, how do you think this shift might impact the way you approach product management and team leadership in the long term?

Brody: Sure! While we often frame leadership in terms of positive styles, it's also a game between people. A common scenario in leadership is influencing and maintaining composure with team members you might not like.

Ideally, everyone prioritizes the business over personal opinions. But that's rarely the case, so you must learn to manage people you don't necessarily like. I experienced this recently during a conversation with a new US Leadership team member – a perfect opportunity to practice a "maintain calm" approach.

To be transparent, I don't like this leader. My instincts flagged her as a snake in the grass – harmless until she's not. But snakes serve a purpose in the ecosystem and aren't scary if you know how to handle them.

During our conversation, it became clear she was trying to "bite" me, twisting the reality and data I presented to fit her narrative. The data showed an issue with user behavior out of our control, but she wanted to frame it as a product problem. (Note: I believe any issue is a company issue, not a department issue. There's no blame, only problems to solve.)

As a product person, I prefer dealing with facts and the known. However, an effective product person must adapt to others' narratives because everyone has their own agenda. In these situations, staying calm and allowing the other person to reveal their motivation before becoming defensive is crucial.

After the conversation, I stepped away to decompress after "maintaining calm." The outcome? A week later, the leader dropped her argument and we moved on. In the past, if I had become defensive, the issue would have escalated. It wouldn't have been about the actual problem, but about posturing and proving who's right or wrong.

Interviewer: Your analogy of the 'snake in the grass' and how you approached this situation is quite compelling. It seems like your 'maintain calm' approach not only helped diffuse a potentially contentious situation but also revealed some deeper insights about leadership and organizational dynamics.

Brody: Yeah, I feel like there’s a lot there to be honest - but still a lot to practice. It’s one thing to practice “maintaining calm”, but it’s also important to know when that’s not the most effective approach. That’s likely going to take me some time and many many mistakes.

Interviewer: Totally. Anything else on this thought process?

Brody:  I could go on and on, but… Remember… I’m also practicing conciseness 😂

Interviewer: Perfect! I’m looking forward to our next conversation soon!

Brody: Likewise.